A few things in life have helped me through hard times. There are two friends in particular that have put up with more than their fair share of implosion, and you know who you are if you’re reading this. It’s hard to describe the gratitude that I owe you. I will probably never find the words.
As well as having endlessly patient friends, I often come back to two quotes. They are “this too shall pass” and “never make decisions when reeling from a loss”.
I think that when we are in a dark place, it can feel irredeemably hard to clamber out. The light at the end of the tunnel begins to fade. This quote was my candle. I think it is the reason that soldiers find basic training so soothing. If have survived hell before, any situation will be merely a walk in the park. The quote reminds me that tomorrow will be better. That today is shit, but things have been shit before, and then they were ok. I think what I like about this quote is that it recognises how I’m feeling in the moment. It doesn’t give meaningless platitudes about finding the silver lining. It simply recognises the pain as it is, and reminds me that things have been different before, and that they will be different in the future.
To me, loss has a very wide definition. Loss doesn’t have to be limited to the material. Often, the losses we suffer the most are ideas rather than things. Letting go of a dream can be the hardest thing we do. So can the lackadaisical realisation that we never quite lived up to our dream. When we lose something, there can be a compulsion to do something. To satiate the pain with action. As a general rule, I never allow myself to make decisions when reeling from a loss, in any sphere of life. I find that unless I have complete mental clarity, I will inevitably make a sub-optimal decision. Maybe this observation is merely a truism and trivial, but for me “never make decisions when reeling from a loss” is a gentle acknowledgement that today is hard and that I’m not up to things. If I still feel the same way tomorrow, I should make the same decision. It will still be there tomorrow.